Life Through My Eyes

January Twenty Ten A little bit of the same thing

2010-01-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

Read this and the last two post to see why:

I wonder why we go through the things we go through. I look back on the hardest things in my life and record the blessing that have come from them. I need to warn you that these are very real things and I haven't taken the shock out of them, tender hearts take precaution.

When I was little I remember feeling sad regularly, but never when I was swinging on the rope swing in the yard. The view as I lay back as far as I could, until my dishwater blond hair brushed the ground was of this beautiful world, the blue sky, the tall red wood trees, the fruit trees that were everywhere on our property in Felton California. Clouds and hills, the dirt road called Felton grove. I don't remember sounds, but I remember smells and the feelings that have been planted in my soul. The smell of grass, a smoldering pile of brush, the blossoms or the ripe fruit. The tilled dirt, the tomato vines from our large garden. I don't know why I felt sad back then but I was. I would spend hours outside swinging or making baskets from the bark of the weeping willow tree. My great Uncle Bill would swing on the glider and sing. I do believe it was him who taught me that you can not swing without singing.

I remember Thanksgiving, I guess I mean Fall~ I loved how it felt when the season started to change, fires in the fire place, hearty stews on the stove and baked goods hot and fresh from the oven. It just felt good to me COZY. My Dad was always building on our house, making it better. Mom was always working, folding laundry, canning, cooking, working in the yard, gardening, she never stop ed, in fact when she would get finished with all the work our family made, she would take in other families work. One woman I recall is Mrs. Linstead, My dad did odd jobs for her and I believe that there was a mother son fondness between them. My mother did Mrs. Linstead's Laundry. My mother was meticulous when it came to doing the laundry. Laundry I remember had to be folded just so and I had promised myself that I would never refold something my child had folded, to make it perfect.
My mother ironed Mrs. Linsteads sheets and everything looked like it was brand new when my mother had finished. I thought of Mrs. Linsead as royalty, their was a respect I understood without ever being told.

November the year I was turning ten, Mrs. Linstead was invited to have Thanksgiving dinner with us. I recall the hub, bub with excitement. I can still see my father, washing the walls then buffing them with liquid gold wood polish until he could see himself in them. My dad loved his home. Mom was planning the meal and cleaning every nook and cranny as if Mrs. Linstead was going to check the corners of the shelves behind the cupboard doors. Everything was spotless. Dinner was like every Thanksgiving my family ever had, more than delicious food and being together... we were made full. Full of the meaning of FAMILY. I may not have felt it everyday throughout the year but on that day and that season I felt it, and looking back I suppose it was enough to last the year long.

Mrs. Linstead came we sat, I don't remember any conversation except, this. I recall with heartfelt gladness, reciting the poem printed on a plate hanging in our dining room.
"Thank God for dirty dishes, they have a tale to tell. When others may go hungry, we're eating very well. In health, home and happiness I shouldn't want to fuss. By this stack of evidence God's been very good to us." The twinkle in my Dads eye has filled me more times than I can say. He loved me, and was proud of me that Thanksgiving evening. I knew it and feel it to this day. Dad called me Lynsky after that, I don't know if it was because I had done the unspoken job of making him look good in Mrs. Linstead's eyes or not, all I know is when he called me Lynsky it meant I LOVE YOU.

I don't remember the date, but it wasn't long after that blessed Thanksgiving dinner. I was awaken from the smell of smoke, I ran up the stairs and yelled. "Dad there's a fire" I didn't know what to do. The next thing I remember is being pulled out of our basement window. Then standing in bare feet on the cold ground watching My Dad standing barefoot and shirtless trying to put out the house and home he loved. I have written of this before so I wont recite it all over again. I will just say that it was at that moment that I knew I loved my father. The fire trucks came and they sat and watched the house burn down, they said that it was too late. We were told to go next door, all 5 of us kids went and I stared out the window watching until dawn, The heaviness in my heart was real and I prayed for my Dad. When the firemen carried Uncle Bill out I think I cried, I don't think my Dad ever forgave himself. He built the fire, he polished the walls, He was the provider and the one who was to take care of all of us. It was his fault, at least he believed it was. We had nothing, Ragamuffins. We were given help from the community and our church, but it was a hard Christmas. Sad.

Looking back now 40 years latter I can say that was one of my best holidays ever. The real meaning of Christmas was what we had. The Christlike love of FAMILY.

Years later I was pregnant with my third child, and just 6 days after having a perfectly healthy baby boy. He became deathly ill, and Hospitalized. I sat there day after day waiting for some word as to him recovering, "we don't know what is wrong with him" I prayed, I pleaded with God not to take him. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints I had the elders come and give Jared Amos Bauer a blessing. That afternoon as I fasted and prayed I heard the answer come to my hear as if someone stood behind me. "You can have him but it wont be for long." The next morning at 7 am he was well. It's a miracle, the hospital staff repeated. it's a Miracle. I knew my Father in Heaven Loved me.

By the time the next year rolled around our little river flooded, it wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. I lived in the down stairs apartment. I had all the comforts of home. We picked up the things we could. Put the TV and Stereo on the kitchen table, filled the counter with as much as we could fit, stripped the beds and stuck things on the highest shelves. Some things were taken upstairs to my parents home. as the water came in we prayed it would stop at a few inches. then at a few feet. Marsha and I tried to go in when it was 3 feet deep I wanted to get my photos, but the electricity was still on and we were being shocked through our legs. It made us to scared to keep going. The water kept rising, until my little apartment was covered 6 inches from the ceiling. What a complete mess. The disaster relief people said to throw everything away, that it was contaminated with sewage, from all the septic tanks that had failed. I had a baby and I was adamant that everything was to go. I remember my Mom asking Carrie are you sure you want to through this away. Looking back I would have said no but my fear was that my want could somehow cause illness to my little ones. I threw away everything. Christmas was hard that year, no money and trying to replace everything, we got through it...

Two years later, after much joy and happiness. My brother and his wife coming home to share their newly adopted son with the Family turned into maybe the toughest day our family can recall, to date. As my brother backed into my parents driveway, with all the cousins watching, and drove over and crushed my 3 year old son. I as told that he was hit by a car. I knew The same voice that I heard in the Hospital 3 years earlier sounded in my ears. "you can have him but it wont be too long" greater peace I have never had. I knew He was with God and that I had been privileged to have had those three years at all.
Christmas that year was heart breaking. I remember that everything reminded me of our little guy. Time healed our hearts and we got through it.

Soon after that, I was faced with a very unspeakable situation that I will not speak of, but it was devastating. I counseled with my Bishop and followed his counsel. I gave everything I had in the hopes that my service would erase the pain. As I write this I guess it has not. I still feel hurt and sad at the memory. Christmas for the next 8 years was spent pretending things were good.
I do believe that practice makes perfect..... I did get over the pain and then the joy that Christmas brings was brought to me even through the sorrow and sadness I felt. I have little people to share Joy with and that was my responsibility so I became the best faker I could be. I pretended to be happy, when I would feel sad I would serve, and when I was done serving I would serve some more. I lost my sadness in service.

The year I got divorced I had nothing, no money, no car, no furniture, and even my youngest sons were taken from me. I remember working hearder than I had ever worked before and that still wasn't enough. I received $23.00 a month for child support. I got crazy counsel, like let the mortgage company forclose. You are cute someone will marry you.
I have 6 living children, a mortgage of $900.00 and I come up $90.00 short each month and you want me to just through it away? I disagreed and I fought. I painted all night, I baked pies and I did what ever I could to stay ahead. I ended up with junk furniture, church food until I sold a pear pie, using some of the canned pears that the church provided. Now I was on my own. I made it work we scraped by. Even though it wasn't easy I am very proud of everything I did and had to do to get through that time in my life. Christmas was hard those years but humble and that is when I realized that I love HUMBLE Christmas's. I recalled that most of them were always humble weather I made them that way or not.

I believed I grew those years. And then I met Steve. Wow I was being rewarded, for all the pain I had lived through. My friends told me I had suffered and been stalwart for so many years I deserved a blessing. They convinced me that I could claim my blessing now.
I had walked with the Lord, He visited my garden and I knew Him. I could feel his presence in my life. I went to the temple and read the scriptures. I prayed and prepared myself to be like him.

I was the best Carrie I could be. I am not perfect and I hope you aren't getting a pride full feeling from my tale. I was happy, full of life and ready to share this love with someone else. I have written about this before too so you are on your own with this side of my story too.

We were married, rented a home with a pool in the Almaden valley of San Jose California, 22 miles from where I had lived my whole life. I think I was happy.
He had twinkly blue eyes, a head of perfect blond hair, his smile warmed the room, He was liked and befriended like no one I had ever known before. My children fell in love with him. In fact everyone Loved Steve. He attended AA meetings so that's what we did together. I grew and was able to heal many of my pains from the past through our AA attendance. We got pregnant right away. It was easy for me to do, after all I had so many children before. But this was Steve's first and may I say might have been just a bit too real for him to handle. After all, his life style had never been very stable. They're are so many things to see in life that you need to back way from to get a clear picture of them. I think when we are right in the thick of things we can't see anything at all.
Well our first Christmas was while we were dating and Yes that was a happy Christmas. M*E* received her first Barbie... It was Irish Barbie, after her name, Meara.
M*E* was the happiest I ever saw her, and I mean to this Day. M*E* Loved her dad (Steve), the way I loved my dad... That was and is in my memory the way life is suppose to be, for little girls.
But the next Christmas, held a different tale, Steve spent the month of December in Duffy's a 12 step treatment center. Christmas was the worst I have ever had. Steve's Mom tried to make it better. She over bought and filled my home with meaningless items to take away the hurt that brings one to their knees. She doesn't believe in God and so Christmas is about Santa Claus. I love the Idea of Santa, the fun and the Magic but more than anything else Christmas is about our Savior Jesus Christ, I try to set that above everything else.
I wish I could have that one Christmas to do over again. I would have packed up my little people and driven to Duffy's and spent the day with Steve.

2 years passed and we had Corom, another hard year. Corom was born with some problem, Yes life threatening at first. We got through the first year, and that Christmas, but the next Christmas it was hell. As I said sometimes we are just standing too close to see what is happening. That year Corom had surgery, the hardest thing I have ever gone through until now. I fell back on my old ways and I faked it. Not well let me say. My older children commented that that was the worst Christmas we ever had. Too many gifts ripped open without any respect as to who had given them, just meaningless items, with a pile four feet high of wrapping paper in the center of the room. I guess I had been reminded that the most important things in life is family and that of being healthy and alive. All the stuff just gets in between that and puts distraction in the mind.

We tried to have good Christmas' but it seemed difficult after that. Humble for some, felt like doing without and being reminded of the days when Christmas was just another day for them. I only saw the memory of my Christmases, the years we had nothing to give, were the years we were all together, safe. Sharing the true meaning of the Season. Having love abound and not needing anything but each other.
I have no wants, but to be loved and to love. To be safe and to be together. To remember what is important and to share that with others, through jesters of kindness and support. A loaf of bread, some jam, a scarf or hot pad. A ding dong ditch, an orange poked with clove's then set inside someones car, without them knowing who put it there, the twelve days of Christmas to a needy family. Then coming home to find the Christmas Jar on your own door step. And then repeating the Christmas jar for a year or two after that. Sharing this joy with our children is the bigger gift Bigger than you could buy in a store. These is the true meaning of Christmas and the ones I hope to instill in the hearts of those I love and share my life with.

This year I turned 50 about a week before Christmas. I have looked forward to this day for 15 years. I don't really know why. I just thought this would be the year for me. I have truly tried to be Christ like, serving someone every day for the last I don't know maybe 23 years. It is kind of the gift I give back for the Lord letting me have my baby for just a little while longer. I see that it seems a little silly but I just like to do it. It has been hard at times and when I cant find some one to serve I serve my family more. I have been a good Mom and a good wife. I have been a good member of my ward no matter where I lived. I have been a good neighbor and when I have not I tried to make it right. I love my life and would not change one piece of it not even this pain that I can not write about. I know that the Lord knows me and that He loves me and that the worthy desires of my heart will be mine. No matter who gets in the way of them. I have a whole year of being 50, I hope I can live through it. Merry Christmas to everyone that I love.

There is a lot of good stuff in this blog, some mistakes too (over look them) scroll down and start at the bottom, you will be rewarded if you take the time to do the reading. Carrie Rowley

FEELINGS

2009-10-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

I have had a few experiences in my life, I do not understand them all but I thought I might like to put them down on paper. I need to stand back and look at them for a few moments. I hope you can understand that I am just thinking out loud...

When I was a little girl I loved to swing on the swing. I couldn't swing without singing. I would make up songs and sing... I remember that tears would fill my eyes as I did this... I felt tender and safe. I Love this memory!

As a young girl I remember having fun with my brother, we were asked to buy some dog food that was on sale. We decided to ride a bike... I remember laughing as I was sitting on the seat while my brother was standing up and pedaling. This was a friendly fun feeling, we bought the cans and had them put into a bag and we started riding home. suddenly we tumbled to the asphalt the bag hit the ground and broke sending cans rolling everywhere. My big bell bottom jeans had gotten stuck in the chain sending us to the ground with a crash. I don't remember how hurt my brother was, he just got up and ran home crying, leaving me with the bike, the cans and a bunch of scrapes and scratches. I collected the cans into a pile, tried to make the torn bag hold them, it wouldn't. I sat there picking the rocks out of my scrapes feeling sorry for myself and waited for my brother or some one to help me get home. Being just a couple of minutes from home I waited but no body came. How was I going to carry 20 cans of dog food and push or ride the bike. I could leave the bike, I could leave the cans... I didn't want someone to take the dog food, I didn't know what to do. I felt confused and frustrated.

At 9 I stood in the cold and watched our home burn down... My Dad stood as close as he could dressed in his jeans, no shirt, no shoes holding the garden hose trying to put out a consuming fire. A fire that took our great Uncle Bill, and my Dads prize dogs and the home he had spent years creating. I felt sad but I didn't cry... the feeling that consumed me like the fire did our home was that of being proud.. I never knew how I felt about my dad until that moment.. I felt proud that he was my Father.

When I was 16 I made some choices that altered my life. One night I heard my grandmother say that I had ruined my life. I was hurt, mad and then I felt committed, I had in no way ruined my life and I was determined to prove she was wrong.

I grew up and had the lessons of life teach me what I needed to know, most times when I thought I already knew them. I had a baby born like other babies are born but when he was 6 days old he got sick. While he was in the hospital dieing, I sat there praying, I felt helpless. I made promises to my Father in Heaven. My son didn't die, I felt Blessed.

The next crisis was a flood, I lived in a ground floor apartment just under my parents, it rained.. our family loves the rain. We do all those cozy things when there is a big storm. My mom would cook great food, we would play cards or visit. We would walk down to see the river come over its banks and try to get ready if it got to us. This time it did. I felt Excited at first then a bit worried. We had to leave the the second level house. My Dad wouldn't leave, the rest of the family members left, wading through 30 inches of water on the high part of the property.
We didn't sleep. The next day we went back to see that the water had returned to its banks leaving behind the muddiest mess I have ever seen. We were told to throw away everything because it was contaminated. I started pulling out all of my belonging and tossing them on a huge pile in the yard. I had 3 children and I was not going to risk illness in our family. I threw away every thing, with the exception of our pictures. I felt resigned to starting over.

July 28th 1984 my brother ran over my 3 year old son in my parents driveway. This triadic experience is the main thread in my life's tapestry. I felt rewarded to have been given the opportunity to be the reciprocate of such an incredible experience. You may not be able to understand this without knowing the whole story. I feel I was in trusted with a Heavenly gift. I was part of a greater plan than I could understand, with my limited earthly knowledge. I was nearer to heaven then than I have ever been before or since. I was rewarded and blessed by the trust the Lord had in me to be part of this little ones life. I felt grateful.

Now with many years of this and that going on I feel grateful still and pleased, honored and upset at times. Touched and lonely. Scared and brave. I was and I am full of gratitude to be a woman, a daughter, a wife and mother. I feel hopeful for the future, blessed by the past. I have seen through the windows of heaven, if only dimly. I know that I have been tested and for the most part I have done well. I feel right with my life. Happy as it were that I can stand tall knowing that I have a pure heart, a sound mind and the love of my family. I feel blessed.

I have fallen in love, had children, grown in the gospel, made covenants and participated in many wonderful and memorable experiences, some I wouldn't have signed up for if I knew how they would have felt while I was going through them, but looking back on them I wouldn't change them for anything. I am the person I am because of these life experiences.

I know my life's experiences are not done, I also have not shared all of them here. I know I will have many opportunity to share these feelings with those I love for years to come. I am excited and look forward too all the life I will have the pleasure of living and Feeling, weather it starts with joy or pain I feel sure that it will end with exquisite JOY.

I'll love life even the hard and bad parts. I have faith and feel like I will be better for everything I get to wade through here in this life. I feel like living it up~ are you with me?

JOY~ The Rhthym of me Heart!

2009-09-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

I was trying to find a link to my daughters blog so I opened mine. The song "Rhythm of my heart" by Rod Stewart started to play. I read a few words from my last post TV dinners and my heart took me down gratitude lane.
How I love who I am and the life I have been given. It isn't always easy but it is always beautiful. I understand that we grow from the things we experience and I feel bigger, even thought the past experiences has caused me to drop a few pounds, 20 to be exact.
Today I would like to tell you thank you for the part you play in my life...be it big or small.
I have a heart and It beats sometimes fast sometimes slow. I love my heart.
It feels the deepest joy when I see a child hug a puppy or a grandfather and a grandmother hold hands. When a friend who has moved texts me to tell me she made fruit salsa, and it made her think of me. When my mom sends me a letter even though my birthday is months away. When I receive a message on face book that reminds me how my son feels about our family. Joy comes and goes but I can't understand why. These little moments fill my life everyday, I suppose I am looking in the other direction or blinded by something. I walked today and the words of a friend sounded in my ears, they made me smile. Thank you. My sons truck ran out of gas and a friend came by to see if he could help. Thank you. A kindness was shared when my child needed a friend, phone call after phone call finally got through. Thank you. You worked hard, she said, then said it again. Thank you for noticing. See, all this happened today.
I had to hear the rhythm of my heart being sung to hear my heart beating.
Wow life is full of wonder~mint.
(I think that might be a Carrie word, and not in any dictionary)
Thank you for being there for me. Lets try not to over look the Joy! Love Carrie

TV DINNERS

2009-06-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

A funny thing happened on our way home from work tonight.....
We stop ed at the movie source and got a movie or 3.
I made a quick pit stop at Paul's to get some good fruit juice bars,
for Delora who has been sick for a little to long.

We were in the frozen food's isle and I don't know what came over me.
Maybe it was the price just $.89 cents or the ease with which
I could be done with dinner.
What ever it was I let Hanna and Jared pick out a frozen dinner.
Yes the whole food cook... Caved and bought my Grandson,
A Salisbury steak dinner with mash potatoes and corn.
And my Granddaughter picked out Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes
and peas. I am sure she chose it because of the peas.
She was so excited but didn't eat any of it.. A good little healthy eater.
Jarem ate every bite and PRAISED my cooking skills.
He asked how the store knows how to make them and we had
an educational talk all about it.
I told him the the real science is that you can put the plastic dish
in the oven and it doesn't melt.
You can cook it in the dish? Yes.. That is COOL!

Really.. I sat them in the living room with the movie and the plastic plate of processed food and I came in the check my email. I grabbed a slice of sourdough bread for my dinner.
I typed, for a second or two until Hanna brought her dish to me.
This is YUCKY, Ono I don't want this! I felt bad for even buying the thing.
I made her taste the Peas. She liked them.. Not enough to eat them though.
The mashed potatoes GROSS and the meat Really! It looked like lunch meat cooked in gravy.. with cubes of bread mixed in (STUFFING).
I guess Hanna and I will be having a bowl of oatmeal when I finish this Blog!
Jarem gets to have his choice tomorrow night..Something he seems very excited about.

Do you think Hanna will pick one out? My guess is she will not.
Praise our HEALTHY EATER Hanna for that. I Love fresh food and those who eat it!
Way to go Hanna. And Jarem.

The Link~Man

2009-02-05T17:55:00.001-08:00

Jared Lincoln Rowley, Turned twelve yesterday, Feb. 4th.
I love this child/adult.
Jared is funny, smart, athletic, and most often a very
aware young man.
He knows how to carry himself and almost never
acts out of "Jared~ness". On the day before his birthday
we took him to Boise to get a new suit, a pair of jeans
and a pair of church shoes.
We let him choose where we would stop for lunch.
He chose Costa Vida.
I was very grateful because I also love to eat there
and a trip to Boise is a complete waste of time
if I don't get a chicken baja burrito.

Jared had stayed up very late the night before,
like 3am. and was very quiet until after he ate.
Then he started to transform into a much different child
than I have ever seen him become.
He started to be a lot more talkative.
After we had lunch we made the first stop. We had twenty minutes,
we needed a pair of church shoes, and a pair of jeans...
Ross, had nothing.
Jay wanted me to pick up a pair of skate shoes for Jarem
if we stop ed at Payless. Next door to Ross was a ShopKo
and it had a PayLess inside, so Jared and I raced to the store.
I surprised him when I won. We were both pretty out of breath.
I teased him the whole time we were in the store.
Stuff like you didn't think an old lady like me could run so fast did you?
Beat by your Mom, Jared would just smile.
We checked out the jeans and found a pair Jared liked.
I bought them.
Jared must have told me 3 times thank you, hugged me and
even walked with his arm around me. We stayed in the car at the next stop.
He made me talk to him about the survival house he is designing,
he said he wanted my input but every time I gave some he told me that would come later, I never did catch on.
I let him sit in the front then when we got out at the next stoped he held my hand.
I said something and he pulled away. We gave some service at
the Bishop's storehouse, while Dad washed the car.
Jared told me that he had always thought it would be embarrassing
to work at Paul's. But that he didn't think so anymore,
we stocked the shelves until dad came back.
It was over an hour. We signed out and Jared lead us to the car,
smiling all the way. At the Mall, we had the most fun.
Starting at Dillard's, we watched Jared run up the down escalator,
we meet him on the second floor, then we traveled up
to the third floor together. The boys department had some very cool
Volcom wear but Jared was focused, A suit. The ones here weren't
so good and were sold as separates, and over our budget.
We headed to J C Penney's, the suits here were buy one get
50% off the second but were very much over priced.
They also had some Volcom wear, Jared looked. Sears here we come.
Suits that fit and that he liked, for the right price.
We picked out a tie too. Looking in the shoe department Wa La,
a pair of beautiful Church shoes we got them all.
Then I said we need to get Jared a new shirt.....
He has a new pair of jeans and it would be uncool to not have
something new to wear to school on your birthday~ His face and walk.
He was ecstatic. "I love you guys, you are the best parents ever.
I love you guys" he couldn't stop saying it, all the way to Dillard's
he was dancing, hugging praising the wonderful parents he had.
We got back up to the third floor and Jared started looking at
the Volcom sales rack and found a pretty cool brown shirt,
I said I liked. Then he found a black red and white one.
Jared asked which one I liked. I told him that I thought the brown
one was very cool and he had so many black ones already.
He chose the black one.. after a few minutes Dad said okay lets go~
Jared thought a second then said I think I will get the brown shirt,
because Mom is the best Mom ever and she likes it more.
I told him to get the one he likes because he will wear it more.
As we left he was holding both of our hands:)and saying thank you
thank you thank you.
Jared is awesome and we had a super great day with him.
Happy Birthday~Lincoln

2009-01-02T17:35:00.000-08:00

My Flippin Son, Elder Joseph Gilbert Brittish,

This is what he does.......

It isn't hard to get an idea for what it might have been like raising a Ninja.

Joseph is now out in the real world teaching what the Master taught him.

I love this boy!

2008-12-29T14:59:00.001-08:00

Creating a family is like viewing this mountain scape. Sometimes things are in the distance, way off. You get the feeling they will never reach you. But then one day they do.
Life has a way of meeting you face to face. I like the feeling of when it does. I love having to Wait for things to happen and not knowing when they will.
Like the exact day a baby will come, weather it will be a boy or a girl. When first words sound in your ears. Mama!
I love the magic of when..
Like learning to ride a bike and then riding with one hand, then no hands. When a spelling test that you studied for comes home with a 100% marked on it. When somebody gets the job they have been hoping~praying for. The graduation of someone you love. Sending a child off to serve a mission. The Marriage of the oldest son, daughter. The the first grandchild, second, third and fourth. Every thing is a first, these first just happen over and over again in different ways.
I love not knowing when these mountains will come into my life, but when they do I will remember when they looked so very far away and smile, I will have reached another peak. Measured another moment of my life, and come up overflowing.
My life is rich and full, far and wide. Only the Lord knows where it will take me but I know it will be just where I need to be. How wonderful it is that I get to take the journey with the people I love the most. my family...............

2008-12-21T09:42:00.000-08:00

This is what I do, to fill my time.. :)

I do think I need a little break, don't you think?

Craig and Delora Allen bought the local video store

and have asked me to do the window for trade,

they get a pretty cool window thing and I get to rent movies.

This is the one I did for winter.

It took me about 30 hours and I was so broken

by the time I had finished from leaning over

and sitting on the floor.

I pretty much don't want to do another one.... Ever~

I know that the excitement of making something new

will make me forget all the negatives I was feeling

when I finished this one.

So I might as well start planning the next CRAZY thing

to fill my time and their window.

Sit down and watch a good Christmas movie for me,

I cant seem to find the time to take a load off :)

Merry Christmas

2008-12-21T09:27:00.000-08:00

What a tree!
We were out the Saturday after Thanksgiving to get a Christmas tree, The snow was still weeks away and I thought it would be safe, sense we get stuck every year...
As we hiked around we saw this magnificent tree and I had to snap a few pix.. But both camera's we had brought were dead, We were lucky to get the few pictures we did. we don't look very happy but that doesn't change the fact that the tree is very Cool.

Ohno

2008-09-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

This Is as good as it gets. Selah, Jarem, Hyrum & Hanna. Wow~ Life is good!

True Love is what makes me smile.... Ono says Thank you Selah, Jarem, Hyrum, & Hanna

Be Still And Know That I Am God.........

2008-02-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

Hello friends and family
I just thought I would give a little update.
Ginelle is still wired shut, she isn't eating much because everything must be strained, yesterday she had a little emotional breakdown, the Bishop came over with Craig Allen and gave her a blessing. She is better today. I am making sure she is eating more than she had been. It takes so much time to make, strain and then eat that it isn't happening. Today I broke the Blender,I wonder what some trials are for.

The snow stopped today, Jared shoveled off the garage side of the roof. Ron Dean
one of my best friends, cleared 3/4th of the back side of our roof. I helped and then Matthew Child took over my job and I shoveled 1/3 of the front side of the roof.

I had a pretty cool thing happen, I thought you would like to hear about.
Yesterday it was really snowing, I had had to shovel off the carport tent, the walk, the driveway, the deck and the roof.
M*E* had a doctor apointment (she is okay) and I haven't completely shaken the sickness we all got last week.
I got up and started shoveling snow, it was kind of hard. After an hour and a half I started to feel sorry for myself, I had made some phone calls but no one called me back.
I stood on a pile of snow six feet high and drug the snow past me to where it needed to be, with each shovel full I was buried up to my thighs, I was getting cold, I started to cry..... Something I don't do. I took a deep breath to keep back the tears.
Just then the wind blew the delicate snow from the trees, I felt it on the back of my neck. I heard the Spirit whisper....BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.
I understand that with the Lord all things are possible.
I did the rest of the shoveling with unseen help, it some how seemed easy, less cold and it reminded me to be grateful that the Lord knows what I need even when I do not.
Be Still And Know That He Is God.. He makes weak things strong.
I finished the job, but I did not do it alone. The Lord Loves Us!

2008-01-18T19:50:00.001-08:00

I want to tell you thank you for all that you do for me.

It is easy for me to understand, how much effort it takes to help friends and loved ones.
This week started with the Bishop giving Ginelle a blessing. Then me setting up who would be watching my children while Ginelle was having surgery. Sharon Child kept Jared for the 3 days I was gone. Delora Allen Got out of her sick bed to take Corom to school. Nicole Crossley was the fall guy if anything went wrong. My friends are so helpful. I love them all!
M*E* watched Corom and that gets iffy sometimes. M*E* you are a trooper. I am so blessed to have such AWESOME children.
Ginelle and I went to Boise on Tuesday afternoon. We met with Doctor Nick Massoth for one last time before the surgery, We had had a few places to stay fall through and I called my friend Jennifer Porter's daughter Heidi. She and her Husband Richard live in Meridian, with their 4 children. They told me to just come over, we could stay, no problem. I don't know if they truly understands how much they eased my troubled mind. I am so grateful for them. I pray that the Lord will Bless all those who helped me this week.
Okay, Ginelle didn't sleep that night. Dr. Nick told us that he would be changing the plans from rubber bands to wired shut. For 3 to 6 weeks.
We got up early and left for the Hospital across town, arriving at 7 am January 16th 4 days before Ginelle's 19th birthday. That surely isn't what I would want to do for my birthday.
The 3 to 5 hour surgery went 9 hours. I sat alone in a room full of people not completely worried, but to concerned to not be there, in case I was needed. The nursing staff were reassuring and kind. I have to say I started to get worried that last hour though. Then it was finished. The doctors came out and filled me in. Both of them Dr. Comstock and Nick had bad breath... the kind you get from not eating all day a sort of Fasting, I think.
With the insurance Ginelle has I don't thing they will get more than a couple hundred dollars.
I told them thank you and Dr. Comstock told me that Ginelle was 1 centimeter from being perfect. I don't know if he really knew how true those words were. Spiritually I mean.
It would be at least 1 hour before I could see her.
I left the hospital and drove to the Boise airport to pick up my Niece Ashley, she hasn't seen Ginelle in 5 years. After a 9 hour surgery I didn't feel like I could leave Ginelle alone so Ashley slept on a sofa in the hospital waiting room. I am sorry, Ashley.
When we got back to the room where my perfect daughter was to be... She was far from perfect. in fact she looked very BAD. Poor Little Ginelle.
I didn't cry on the outside. I would never had chose this for her either. You could bet I would have chickened out if I had been the one making the decision.
I guess I was even a little mad at the doctor too. We have been planning on this for more than a year with little change to the plan, then the night before it, it changes considerable.
I know that Ginelle had complete faith in Dr. Massoth and I have complete faith in Ginelle.
We are home now, her face is swollen from her nose to her neck. Her beautiful lips are bruised and torn up. She doesn't have any entrance marks on her face, the Doctors changed the plan and all scars are inside her mouth. Her left eye has started to go black.
Ginelle has 4 titanium plates holding her together, with her jaw wired together so she doesn't move anything. She can't eat solid food, and has to push a tube around to the side of her teeth and squeeze the food in. The first day she didn't have enough strength to push the surging. When I did it she could only handle just a 1/4 teaspoon at a time. It took a minute or two before she was ready for the next squish. I can not explain how much I wanted to switch places with her.
I love my children and in this situation I was putting on a brave front.
Dr. Nick sent flowers, called two to three times a day and came to see Ginelle. I spoke to his office staff on the second day and was told that he had been checking on her through out the day.
He really cares about Ginelle, they said.
When we came home, Corom felt so uncomfortable with Ginelle that he went to bed at 7:30. M*E* laughed at her, then felt bad and apologised. Jared is completely concerned for her every need. And I (the TUFF mom) just want to cry. I can see how bad she must feel. It reminds me in feeling like what we went through with Corom for his tongue reduction surgery.
Since I haven't been home and didn't want to stop at the store to buy all the things for super soups, I picked up canned soup, I feel so bad about doing that. Ginelle should be having fresh made Carrie soups.
I feel like stuffing myself with snacks and watching sad movies all day. I am an emotional wreck. My poor little Ginelle. Pray for her.

2008-01-09T12:16:00.000-08:00

Wow!
Winter Wonderland, I live in such a lovely place.
It is so beautiful here.
It's kind of unbelievable when you stop to think about it. Wow!

Icicles hang 5 feet from my roof, clear with rippling marks one on top of the other.
They are Awesome.
Snow 4 1/2 feet high on either side of the road.
The yard has at least 4 solid feet of fluffy white stuff.
It is warm 20*, the sun is shining and it is clean and crisp out there.
I would pass up a free trip to Hawaii if it meant I would have to go now.
I love this little mountain town and the frosted flakes that float from Heaven to cover all and everything that isn't beautiful and clean.
Sound is amplified. I love the sound of the snow crunching under my boots, it makes me smile
and feel happy inside.
Today I had to shovel the burm between the street and our drive way, I even Love that.
McCall makes me happy.

2008-01-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

I know a hero!

A man I have watched grow and develop for the last 30+ years.

When he was a boy he was strong in many ways~ Jaypeth Adam Bauer, has always seen with heavenly eyes. As a young boy playing he would look up from whatever he was involved in to act knowledge those who came into the room. He seemed to care about others, no matter who they were. Jay was always pleasant to them and honestly concerned if they were sad or upset. He is the oldest of 9 siblings, and I know all of his brothers and sisters look up to him, even though he is not the tallest Boy in the family.

My son shows love to people with his charismatic smile and honest nature.

This touching story will help you understand and know my super~son better.

We were out one winter evening, having a bon fire on the beach in Santa Cruz California. Returning home in our 1984 Volvo 245 packed with family and friends. Jay was driving (He and that car were one ) driving is second nature to Jay! We were going north on Ocean street and Jay did a fast U turn, raced through a yellow light onto water street made a quick stop at the curb and started running. No one in the car could figure out what he was doing, or why. A bum who was walking started running too.

Jay was a fast (faster than a speeding bullet "hero talk") young man and caught him with no trouble at all. We all watched in wonder, what on earth was Jay doing? Did he know that guy? As we watched, Jay took off his coat. He handed it to a perfect stranger with a short sleeve shirt on and headed back to the car. Jay walked slowly back to the car. The man watched him.........We watched him too, his Mom and siblings and our friends in AWE at the BIG BROTHER~ Wow! The hush of Heaven was in our car all the way home. Jay cares about and lives in listening to the Spirit of the Lord~ now that is a real life Hero!All my mothering years I have wanted to give my children the best life I could give them, I believe that is what most parents desire. But I have learned way more from my children than I think I ever taught them. Jay and I were talking on the phone, as I waited for my connecting flight to board in San Francisco California, on my way to visit Jessica in Las Vegas. I listened in that busy airport to my oldest child Testify of the answers to prayers, he had received. When this feeling came over me. My son has become a great, GREAT MAN! He is willing to be a servant of the Lord. He is not to proud to fall upon his knees and plead with the Lord for the will of the Father to guide him. Mom, he said "I learned that from your example." I pray that I have been a good example for my children, they are the most important thing in my life. Jay has grown into a Man~ a father who protects his children, his siblings and even his parents at times. A man I feel is a HERO in the Lord. I understand some Hero's are not perfect~ but in this case I make an exception. Although Jay may have a flaw or two, He always turns up doing that the Lord would have him do. I honor my son~ Jay~Co you are great!Here are a few things everyone should know about Jay~ .

He is funny! He can get all of us going and Oh how he does, laughing for hours! Jay is Buff, usually tan, he loves to work out. He is Strong, capable, smart, wise, healthy/clean. Business minded, Jay is working on being a wealthy man someday soon. Dedicated, Brave, Loyal, Honest, Handsome = I mean Very very Good Looking, A H O T T Y I think that is the in phase! Loving, Driven, Jay is a leader, he has a mind for ideas Jay loves to drive..... Fast, and he can spend hours washing his cars. Jay loves his Family, We have the greatest time when we are altogether. He is unselfish and willing. Jay served a mission in Malaga Spain. He speaks beautiful Spanish. Jay is the father of two extra special Kid~O's Jarem 5 and Hanna 2 Hanna, paces while she is on the phone just like her Daddy. Jarem has the same friendly, loving nature as Jay does. I am so grateful to be the Mom of a Super Hero! Jay you continue to Rock My world~ I am very proud of you. I love You up to Heaven, The Mom

November 28, 2007

2007-12-03T13:40:00.000-08:00

[I tried to post this on 11/28 but didn't realize that I was in the comment window...bear with me as I figure this blogging stuff out!]

It is snowing here in McCall, the mountains are covered with powdered sugar I feel like I live in "DESSERT LAND". It is beautiful and del~lish~ish to the taste. Don't eat Yellow snow, even if it looks good! that is one of my many solid rules.

We got our Christmas Tree on Saturday, I almost have the house decorated. I love this time of year. It starts every year just before Tricker treat, I buy tons of pumpkins and corn stalks, I go crazy with the colored leaves and the thankfulness, It keeps going and fills the heart of our home.

I want to share my Love with you, here on my blog. There are many people who are important to me. I will try through this next year to share how I feel about you all.
To start, today I want to tell you about my husband, Mr. Steve Rowley.

I met Steve years ago, as a set up date that our full time missionaries set up. They forgot to let him in on the secret. He was pretty shocked when I invited myself to his Baptsim, and asked if we would be hitting a movie or just going out to eat.The poor guy never saw it coming. I didn't either. I just needed to have some adult company! I had had 7 children, WOW that is a lot for any one but for a serriously single guy, it was like dating a school. My children fell in love with him right away. I remember telling my older children after the first date that it could never go anywhere. Steve Rowley could do everything. I would never shine with him around. My kids set me straight "Mom you are so dumb." I guess it was kind of dumb, I think years latter he makes me shine all the more. Steve is the most capiable person I know. He starts a business and it goes. What he thinks he can do he can.

Steve has perfect hair and beautiful blue eyes. He can sing and he loves to Dance. He wishes I would dance with him but I can't hear the beat and then keep it. I can slow dance because I just follow him. We don't do that enough anymore. Sometimes getting older is not as fun as it should be.

We use to play board games togther but even that doesn't happen often. We have many really good friends. Who we totally love to hang out with. Steve has a very wide knowledge of things, he is way smarter than I am with whats going on in the world. But I know what I know and we have a good balance when it comes to how to raise a family. Steve is a wonderful father, He loves his children, and those that are grown up, he's friends with. I am proud of his commitment to his knowledge of the truth. He has been a good example over the years. The last two years have been a real struggle for Steve. I was thinking about it last night and that is what sparked me to do this, this way.

I believe that we sometimes get in the thick of thin things. We moved here to be debt free. We learned that that great goal, was not what the Lord had in store for us. Our debt is almost 3 times greater now than when we came here. That is a hard thing for a husband and father to carry. I think my "The Lord didn't get me this far to drop me on my head" attidude is less helpful to Steve and I think he has felt like he is carrying the world on his shoulders. Boy he is one tough guy. I would like to describe him to you, Steve is a work~a~holic, He can learn how to do anything and learn it faster than most people.Steve is friendly and very like~a~bull. It seem like others are drawn to his comfortable nature. He is like a big brother to most of my friends. He loves teenagers and little kids too.

Steve Rowley most always would stop what he was doing to help someone in need, friend or stranger. I love his calm and accepting personality. Steve is a good guy. Last year steve started two business, and went to real estate school. That was very impressive. I know I couldn't begin to compete with the man I live with. We have shared our talents, together cooking side by side. Steve has been my sounding board for all my silly parties, and activities. Steve has many talents that he doesn't boast about, He is a self taught fisherman, He always catches, when he casts. He got a deer this year with a bow. Great shot Steve! Steve has read maybe 40 books this year, He reads the news most nights and is up on what is going on in the dog eat dog world out there. We both stand pretty tight when it comes to politics. We can get pretty worked up about the same thing, Arguing the same side of a topic for hours. Steve listens to talk radio. Loves to hunt and camp. He plays tennis, skis and reads like a librarian.

Steve gets along with everybody and loves to have fun. Steve has the best conversion to the church story I have ever heard. He was considered a golden. I believe he still is!I am grateful for him, I hope he knows that.

Steve you ROCK dude.
You are so loved,
Up To Heaven,
Love Carrie

My Family, All about them!

2006-09-16T13:39:00.000-07:00